1. Flipping your windshield wipers up when you park your car will ensure that the blades don't get frozen to your windshield. (Be advised that it's very visible, and most people don't do this, so you may get strange looks or have people asking what happened to your car.)
2. Make sure to knock the snow out of your scraper brush after you use it so the bristles don't get frozen in to a block.
3. When clearing snow off your car,
- make sure you clear you headlights, taillights, and indicator lights so that they can serve their respective functions
- brushing off your hood will keep snow from blowing distractingly across your windshield while you're driving
- clearing off your car's roof will prevent the snow from sliding on to either the front or back windshield while you are driving
Monday, December 31, 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012
Strangest Thing I Have Knit Yet
This is a cover on the handle of our storm door. I got tired of how cold it is when letting the dog out in the winter.
For those of you who have been wondering about my lack of posts, between work, Little Girl, the holidays, grad school applications, and some major reorganizing, things have been pretty busy, but I look forward to having more crafting, cooking and inspiration to share in the New Year.
For those of you who have been wondering about my lack of posts, between work, Little Girl, the holidays, grad school applications, and some major reorganizing, things have been pretty busy, but I look forward to having more crafting, cooking and inspiration to share in the New Year.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Pork Roast with Apples
On the weekend, I made a 2-3 lb. pork roast to share with friends. It turned out tasty, so here's what I did.
1. Sprinkle the roast top and bottom with salt and pepper.
2. Bake for 20 min in a 500 F oven.
3. Slice and core 2 apples (I used one Granny Smith and one other firm, sweeter apple which I forget the name of) and peel and slice a small cooking onion.
4. Lightly grease the slow cooker pot with olive oil and spread out the apples and onion.
5. Place the baked roast on top of the apples and tuck a dry bay leaf on either side.
6. Mix a dash of liquid smoke, 10 drops of sriracha, 1 or 2 tablespoons of malt flavored soda, a generous amount of Worcestershire sauce, about a tablespoon of apple jelly, garlic powder, and most of a mug of water and pour over the meat.
7. Cook on high for 2 1/2ish hours (check the internal temp).
1. Sprinkle the roast top and bottom with salt and pepper.
2. Bake for 20 min in a 500 F oven.
3. Slice and core 2 apples (I used one Granny Smith and one other firm, sweeter apple which I forget the name of) and peel and slice a small cooking onion.
4. Lightly grease the slow cooker pot with olive oil and spread out the apples and onion.
5. Place the baked roast on top of the apples and tuck a dry bay leaf on either side.
6. Mix a dash of liquid smoke, 10 drops of sriracha, 1 or 2 tablespoons of malt flavored soda, a generous amount of Worcestershire sauce, about a tablespoon of apple jelly, garlic powder, and most of a mug of water and pour over the meat.
7. Cook on high for 2 1/2ish hours (check the internal temp).
Friday, October 19, 2012
Knitting Portfolio I
I thought I'd share a selection of photographs of a few of projects I've knitted over the past several years. The Items shown are:
1) a pair of cotton socks I knit for my husband featuring a combination of two texture patterns on the leg; an all-over ribbing, and a narrow, acorn-like pattern in a row up the calf,
2) a large green wrap/scarf with a nubbly texture pattern (moss stitch, if I recall correctly) which I knit for myself, and
3) a color pattern sweater completely of my own design which I knit my husband while we were engaged. I am particularly proud of this project; from the complicated colorwork on the front and sleeves to the ribbing and various cables of my own invention on the back, this sweater took untold hours to complete. Despite coming up with most of the color patterns while knitting (and not writing any of it down while I did it), I gave this sweater two symmetrically patterned sleeves, and echoed several motifs between the sleeves and body to create a more coherent garment.
1) a pair of cotton socks I knit for my husband featuring a combination of two texture patterns on the leg; an all-over ribbing, and a narrow, acorn-like pattern in a row up the calf,
2) a large green wrap/scarf with a nubbly texture pattern (moss stitch, if I recall correctly) which I knit for myself, and
3) a color pattern sweater completely of my own design which I knit my husband while we were engaged. I am particularly proud of this project; from the complicated colorwork on the front and sleeves to the ribbing and various cables of my own invention on the back, this sweater took untold hours to complete. Despite coming up with most of the color patterns while knitting (and not writing any of it down while I did it), I gave this sweater two symmetrically patterned sleeves, and echoed several motifs between the sleeves and body to create a more coherent garment.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
A Nature Walk
On Thursday, Little Girl (now that she's over a year old I'll have to stop referring to her as "Baby Girl") and I dropped the car off for new tires, and went and did other errands on foot. Here are pictures of some of the wildflowers we passed while walking.
My Best Bathroom Tips
1. Always keep the toilet closed. It keeps the bathroom looking (and, depending on the plumbing, sometimes smelling) cleaner, it eliminates the seat up vs. seat down debate, and if you drop something it's nearly impossible for it to land in the toilet bowl.
2. When hanging a towel bar, check it with a real towel. When we replaced a hand towel bar between our toilet and shower with a bath towel bar, we hung it in the same spot to cover the old holes. Because we didn't check first, it was only when we started using it that we noticed the larger towel hangs all the way down to the toilet paper holder. If a damp bath towel is resting on your toilet paper, the paper is not going to stay dry. (needless to say, something had to be moved; follow my advise and save yourself the trouble.)
3. Brush your hair before bathing. We all loose hairs all the time, but if you brush first, those hairs end up in the brush rather than in the shower or tub, gradually clogging your drain.
4. If you aren't particular about the brand of your shampoo or shower gel, note down the per unit price where you usually buy it, and then check your local dollar store. There's one near me where they sell 10 oz. bottles of shower gel for $1; that's ten cents per ounce, way better than at the grocery store.
5. If mixing liquid soap (or adding the end of a bar of soap and some water to a pump bottle of liquid soap) keep in mind that the colors and scents will also be mixing. I didn't used to think about that, until the time I ended up with a pump full of brown soap that looked dirty when you washed your hands with it.
2. When hanging a towel bar, check it with a real towel. When we replaced a hand towel bar between our toilet and shower with a bath towel bar, we hung it in the same spot to cover the old holes. Because we didn't check first, it was only when we started using it that we noticed the larger towel hangs all the way down to the toilet paper holder. If a damp bath towel is resting on your toilet paper, the paper is not going to stay dry. (needless to say, something had to be moved; follow my advise and save yourself the trouble.)
3. Brush your hair before bathing. We all loose hairs all the time, but if you brush first, those hairs end up in the brush rather than in the shower or tub, gradually clogging your drain.
4. If you aren't particular about the brand of your shampoo or shower gel, note down the per unit price where you usually buy it, and then check your local dollar store. There's one near me where they sell 10 oz. bottles of shower gel for $1; that's ten cents per ounce, way better than at the grocery store.
5. If mixing liquid soap (or adding the end of a bar of soap and some water to a pump bottle of liquid soap) keep in mind that the colors and scents will also be mixing. I didn't used to think about that, until the time I ended up with a pump full of brown soap that looked dirty when you washed your hands with it.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Roasts are Good
The weekend before last I made a 2 pound (ish) beef roast in the slowcooker, and it was delicious.
I cut up the one and only Anna Swartz Hubbard Squash that my vines produced, and spread it over the bottom of the pot. I seared off the roast, and put it atop the squash. I mixed minced garlic (from a jar- saves time and money) Worcestershire sauce, a touch of liquid smoke, and some herbs (I think thyme and tarragon, but I forget) and spread them on the roast. Then I put 1/4 to 1/2 cup of water in the little glass measuring cup where I'd made the garlic mixture, along with another dash of Worcestershire, and poured it in the bottom with the squash. After 9 or 10 hours on low, a lovely fall-apart-tender roast! ... And some squash, which I didn't actually like, but I'm not a big squash fan.
I cut up the one and only Anna Swartz Hubbard Squash that my vines produced, and spread it over the bottom of the pot. I seared off the roast, and put it atop the squash. I mixed minced garlic (from a jar- saves time and money) Worcestershire sauce, a touch of liquid smoke, and some herbs (I think thyme and tarragon, but I forget) and spread them on the roast. Then I put 1/4 to 1/2 cup of water in the little glass measuring cup where I'd made the garlic mixture, along with another dash of Worcestershire, and poured it in the bottom with the squash. After 9 or 10 hours on low, a lovely fall-apart-tender roast! ... And some squash, which I didn't actually like, but I'm not a big squash fan.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Tex-Mex Leftovers Casserole
We had various leftovers (chicken, white rice, refried beans, and some mozzarella cheese that had been in the fridge for a while) that lent themselves to Tex-Mex, and just ran out of bread for my husband's lunch tomorrow, so I made him a casserole. If your leftovers are similarly conducive, here's my "recipe".
Put your rice in an appropriately sized casserole dish. Add spices (I used chili powder and granulated garlic) and as much liquid as you think you need to get the rice as moist as you like your casseroles to be (I used taco sauce, lemon juice, and a little water), and mix it up. Then I mixed in shredded chicken and mozzarella, and if you had a tomato on hand, you could chop it up and mix it in there too. Spread the refried beans over the top and sprinkled on a bit more cheese. Now my husband has a (hopefully delicious) lunch to pop in the oven
Put your rice in an appropriately sized casserole dish. Add spices (I used chili powder and granulated garlic) and as much liquid as you think you need to get the rice as moist as you like your casseroles to be (I used taco sauce, lemon juice, and a little water), and mix it up. Then I mixed in shredded chicken and mozzarella, and if you had a tomato on hand, you could chop it up and mix it in there too. Spread the refried beans over the top and sprinkled on a bit more cheese. Now my husband has a (hopefully delicious) lunch to pop in the oven
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Money-Saving Wedding Tips
In this economy especially, overspending on a wedding just doesn't make sense. Here are a few tips, tricks and ideas from my wedding, as well as a couple things I've come up with since.
1. Comparison shop to get the best deals.
2. If there is a package deal that sounds like a bargain but includes things that you didn't think you needed (or hadn't even thought of having until it was mentioned in the package), find out whether there is a cheaper package without those extras, or even if getting just what you want a la cart is less expensive.
3. Don't limit your dress search to bridal boutiques. I'm not talking David's bridal here (my mother and I stopped in to look at their $99 gowns and found ourselves hectored by a salesgirl to go sign in every time she checked on us, and considering how limited the sale selection was, she must have been coming by every couple of minutes to hassle us about it as many times as she did)
I mean, consider consignment or second hand shops. Check out the prom or bridesmaid sections for something you like. Consider using a relative's dress (if she doesn't mind. And make sure you ask before changing anything! Even letting out a seam). Look on Freecycle (since people give these things away, don't count on the dress being perfect, and you may not find anyone willing to give their dress away, but it's free; if it doesn't work out all you lost is a little time). My "gown" was a white embroidered $35 sundress that I ordered online from a company called Holy Clothing.
4. Think twice before having an outdoor wedding. It may sound charming and seem like a good way to save money to dance the night away under the stars, (no hall to rent, no cake cutting fee) but there are two issues you may be overlooking. One is weather; weddings don't have rain dates, so you need to be prepared for wind, rain, and unseasonable heat or cold. The other issue is that the outdoors does not come with supplies. Whereas most halls come with tables and chairs, and many have dishes, linens, and silverware, the outdoors doesn't offer so much as a floor. You have to provide everything- including any waitstaff and food prep equipment you might need. Depending on the venue, you may even have to deal with toilet facilities. Add up all the stuff you'll have to rent or buy, and indoors will start to look like a deal.
5. If you or someone else who is helping out with the wedding prep is good with computers, you could print up your own invitations, reply cards, placecards, programs, and table signs. This could save you on printing costs, and if you buy you blank cards etc. on sale or with a coupon, you can save significantly more.
6. There can be a big price difference between different types of flowers, and even different varieties of the same flower, so consider the per-stem cost and whether you could achieve a similar effect more cost-effectively. If, for example, you are considering bridal bouquets composed exclusively of a rather expensive variety of rose, consider keeping the bride's bouquet in that rose, but doing the bride's maids' bouquets in roses of a less expensive wedding shade, or doing a mix of the expensive rose and either less expensive roses or a different flower all together. I'm not saying the bride's maids should be limited to carnations and daisies, but if (before you formally agree to anything) you forthrightly ask your florist about ways to make your flower arrangements less expensive, they should be able to come up with better suggestions than having each gal carry a single stem down the aisle.
7. Keep track of due dates and deadlines. Late fees are a useless drain on your budget, and if you loose a vendor because you forgot whether they needed to be paid Thursday or Tuesday you'll be kicking yourself not just for the lost vendor, but also for the lost deposit and the lost time finding a replacement.
8. Speaking of budgets, figure out yours before you start spending. Its not just a matter of how much to spend in total, but of what portion of that total to spend on each element of the wedding. If you don't have your rough break down before you start, the vendors you go to first might end up with a bigger piece of the pie than they would have if you'd planned ahead, leaving you with less for the later vendors.
1. Comparison shop to get the best deals.
2. If there is a package deal that sounds like a bargain but includes things that you didn't think you needed (or hadn't even thought of having until it was mentioned in the package), find out whether there is a cheaper package without those extras, or even if getting just what you want a la cart is less expensive.
3. Don't limit your dress search to bridal boutiques. I'm not talking David's bridal here (my mother and I stopped in to look at their $99 gowns and found ourselves hectored by a salesgirl to go sign in every time she checked on us, and considering how limited the sale selection was, she must have been coming by every couple of minutes to hassle us about it as many times as she did)
I mean, consider consignment or second hand shops. Check out the prom or bridesmaid sections for something you like. Consider using a relative's dress (if she doesn't mind. And make sure you ask before changing anything! Even letting out a seam). Look on Freecycle (since people give these things away, don't count on the dress being perfect, and you may not find anyone willing to give their dress away, but it's free; if it doesn't work out all you lost is a little time). My "gown" was a white embroidered $35 sundress that I ordered online from a company called Holy Clothing.
4. Think twice before having an outdoor wedding. It may sound charming and seem like a good way to save money to dance the night away under the stars, (no hall to rent, no cake cutting fee) but there are two issues you may be overlooking. One is weather; weddings don't have rain dates, so you need to be prepared for wind, rain, and unseasonable heat or cold. The other issue is that the outdoors does not come with supplies. Whereas most halls come with tables and chairs, and many have dishes, linens, and silverware, the outdoors doesn't offer so much as a floor. You have to provide everything- including any waitstaff and food prep equipment you might need. Depending on the venue, you may even have to deal with toilet facilities. Add up all the stuff you'll have to rent or buy, and indoors will start to look like a deal.
5. If you or someone else who is helping out with the wedding prep is good with computers, you could print up your own invitations, reply cards, placecards, programs, and table signs. This could save you on printing costs, and if you buy you blank cards etc. on sale or with a coupon, you can save significantly more.
6. There can be a big price difference between different types of flowers, and even different varieties of the same flower, so consider the per-stem cost and whether you could achieve a similar effect more cost-effectively. If, for example, you are considering bridal bouquets composed exclusively of a rather expensive variety of rose, consider keeping the bride's bouquet in that rose, but doing the bride's maids' bouquets in roses of a less expensive wedding shade, or doing a mix of the expensive rose and either less expensive roses or a different flower all together. I'm not saying the bride's maids should be limited to carnations and daisies, but if (before you formally agree to anything) you forthrightly ask your florist about ways to make your flower arrangements less expensive, they should be able to come up with better suggestions than having each gal carry a single stem down the aisle.
7. Keep track of due dates and deadlines. Late fees are a useless drain on your budget, and if you loose a vendor because you forgot whether they needed to be paid Thursday or Tuesday you'll be kicking yourself not just for the lost vendor, but also for the lost deposit and the lost time finding a replacement.
8. Speaking of budgets, figure out yours before you start spending. Its not just a matter of how much to spend in total, but of what portion of that total to spend on each element of the wedding. If you don't have your rough break down before you start, the vendors you go to first might end up with a bigger piece of the pie than they would have if you'd planned ahead, leaving you with less for the later vendors.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
Weighing the Issue
Something that annoys me is when people are judgmental of strangers' weight. In online discussions, its common for people to accuse these strangers of being lazy or stupid and not doing anything to try and be healthy. When ever anyone says that there may be a medical issue involved, the judgers snap back that not everyone has a thyroid condition. I just want to point out that you never know where someone else is on their personal journey or what their specific circumstances are. When you see an overweight person shopping for clothes, you don't know whether they have just gone down two sizes thanks to a new diet and exercise regimen. When you see a heavy person on an airplane who keeps munching snacks from their carry-on, you don't know if they are stress eating because they are a nervous flyer. When you see a large person wearing a knee brace and walking with a cane even though they are still young, you don't know whether a medical condition reduced them to unwilling inactivity. I am NOT saying that this is the case with everyone, but I am saying it is the case with SOME people, and you have no way of knowing if it is the case for any given stranger.
To give a personal example, I lost half my baby weight in the week and a half following Baby Girl's birth. You know who also lost weight in that time? Baby Girl. I was exclusively breastfeeding, and there was a very real concern that I was not getting enough fat in my diet for my milk to be as calorically dense as she needed. With a little supplementation (formula for her, ice cream for me) and some pumping to boost my supply, we both gained back the lost weight. While I'm ok with that trade off, and very pleased with our breastfeeding success, you can't just go on a diet willynilly while breastfeeding, so I'm still closer to my end of pregnancy weight than my wedding day weight. Meanwhile, some more appearance-conscious women I know who weaned earlier or didn't breastfeed at all did do the diet and exercise thing and look like (I know better than to ask a woman's weight!) they have returned to their prepregnancy sizes.
That said, I'm thinking if I don't read as much from online advice columns and their accompanying discussions, I won't come across as many people being judgmental of every behavior under the sun. Since I strive to not be judgmental of others for their own choices and situations, I'm going to cut down and see fewer examples of this behavior. I don't think it's judging to be able to tell when something is rude or hurtful.
To give a personal example, I lost half my baby weight in the week and a half following Baby Girl's birth. You know who also lost weight in that time? Baby Girl. I was exclusively breastfeeding, and there was a very real concern that I was not getting enough fat in my diet for my milk to be as calorically dense as she needed. With a little supplementation (formula for her, ice cream for me) and some pumping to boost my supply, we both gained back the lost weight. While I'm ok with that trade off, and very pleased with our breastfeeding success, you can't just go on a diet willynilly while breastfeeding, so I'm still closer to my end of pregnancy weight than my wedding day weight. Meanwhile, some more appearance-conscious women I know who weaned earlier or didn't breastfeed at all did do the diet and exercise thing and look like (I know better than to ask a woman's weight!) they have returned to their prepregnancy sizes.
That said, I'm thinking if I don't read as much from online advice columns and their accompanying discussions, I won't come across as many people being judgmental of every behavior under the sun. Since I strive to not be judgmental of others for their own choices and situations, I'm going to cut down and see fewer examples of this behavior. I don't think it's judging to be able to tell when something is rude or hurtful.
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Napkin Rings and Wine Glass Charms
I went to a wedding a few months ago, and took these photos while I was making the napkin rings and wine glass charms. I didn't post them at the time, because I didn't want to spoil the surprise, but now I can.
I had a lot of fun working with sculpy clay again. I'd like to say I expect to post more sculpy baubles and beads soon, but my to do list is pretty full, especially with Baby Girl's first birthday coming up.
I had a lot of fun working with sculpy clay again. I'd like to say I expect to post more sculpy baubles and beads soon, but my to do list is pretty full, especially with Baby Girl's first birthday coming up.
A Few Days of Productivity
End of last week I used a little time off to get started on a very productive weekend. In addition to my usual cleaning, grocery shopping, baby tending, and weekly DnD pot luck (my week to do an entree), I patched a hole that's been at the top of my bathroom wall ever since the exhaust fan went in, fixed the drain on a sink, cleaned some stuff out of my car trunk, gave the tub an extra good scrubbing (got rid of maybe half of the stubborn discoloration), bought and hung dining room curtains ($7 at Amvets; a good deal and a good cause), and even started my Christmas shopping. We also did a major garden clean up. Since it looks like squash vine borers killed off my squash, we pulled them out. We also weeded, cut back the roses, trimmed the front hedge, and pulled out a lot of this mystery plant that, as it turns out, spreads with runners (it is a landscaping plant, just a boring, slightly invasive one I don't know the name of that got really wilted in the heat).
As you may have guessed, I'm pretty pleased with how much I got done. I'm hoping to be similarly productive this weekend.
As you may have guessed, I'm pretty pleased with how much I got done. I'm hoping to be similarly productive this weekend.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Babies Can Wear Anything
Some amazing, lovely friends (Ms. A, Ms. K, Mr. M, Ms. S, and Ms. T) sent awesome handpainted onesies when we were expecting Baby Girl, and I loved them and loved how cute she looked wearing them.
A different couple of friends (Mr. A and Mrs. L) are expecting a little gal this fall, and I shamelessly stole the handpainted onesie idea. Now that they've had their shower, I can post pictures.
A different couple of friends (Mr. A and Mrs. L) are expecting a little gal this fall, and I shamelessly stole the handpainted onesie idea. Now that they've had their shower, I can post pictures.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Sometimes Ann Landers Got It Wrong
I've been reading "classic" Ann Landers columns on creators.com, and this letter, and Ann Landers's entirely unsatisfactory response, caught my attention. Here it is:
***Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have a home on the lake where we go on weekends and vacations with our two children, their spouses and our four young grandchildren.
The problem is a 12-year-old girl who lives across the street. This child is mentally disabled and comes over all the time. She knocks on our door and looks in our windows. Every time we turn around, she is right under us. If we tell her to go home, she is back in five minutes with the same routine. She doesn't understand why she can't be at our house all the time. Our grandchildren don't understand what is wrong with her. They shout, "Go home," but she ignores them.
I feel bad for the child, but I honestly don't know how to deal with the problem. Her mother is totally oblivious and no help at all. Will you please tell us what to do about this nuisance? I am — Distressed in Dyer, Tenn.
Dear Distressed in Dyer: Please do not lose this opportunity to teach your grandchildren the importance of being kind and compassionate to people who are less fortunate than they are. That little girl should not be considered a "nuisance" when she peers in the windows and comes over uninvited. She simply is displaying natural curiosity and has no idea she is "bothering" anyone.
You say your grandchildren don't understand what is wrong with her. It is up to you to explain to them this unfortunate child's mental limitations. I hope you will do so at once.***
Now, this was originally published in (I think) 1999, but even then she does appear to have caught some flack from her readers for this ridiculous advice. Her suggestion of self-congratulatory acceptance of this girl's misbehavior, coupled with exploiting her as an object lesson to the letter writer's grandchildren about how lucky they are, does not solve the letter writer's issue of her invading their trips to the lake house, or even help the 12 year old girl.
I thought about putting my response in letter form, but I'm a list-maker, so here it goes.
Why Ann's Answer is Wrong:
1. Ann seems to assume that this girl could not be taught to behave any better, and in general, that just isn't true. While I do not know this girl, her diagnosis(es), or her learning style, for many people with mental challenges, it's not that they are incapable of learning, they just may need more repetition than others, or tasks broken down in to smaller steps.
2. She suggests that the girl "should not be considered a "nuisance"" for doing these things, but a change in attitude will not make her less underfoot, make it less rude of her to peek in their windows, make it less awkward or inconvenient when they need her to go home and she doesn't go or goes and comes right back. This is not an issue of perception, it is an issue of actual problem behavior.
3. Ann does not take in to account that this is an entire extra child to keep an eye on, and one with special needs at that. There are already four grandchildren in the group. An additional child who, according to the letter does not follow their instructions, is a lot of extra work to keep safe. This family does not appear to have been told anything about this neighbor girl's pool of knowledge or the nature of her limitations, information that they would need if they were expected to be responsible for her. Does she recognize poison ivy? Does she react appropriately to wild animals? Is she deathly allergic to bees? They don't know.
4. Her answer also goes against the current movement in the disability community (people with disabilities and their supporters). They do not want people with disabilities to be treated as "less fortunate"; they want them to be treated as equals. Folks with disabilities may face different challenges, but they are still people just like everyone else.
5. She suggests that the letter writer "explain to [the grandkids] this unfortunate child's mental limitations". Even if the letter writer were privy to the girl's diagnosis(es), that information is not the grandchildren's business. Also, given the lack of kindness they currently show her, I would want to be more sure of their moral character before explaining to them how to take advantage of this girl.
My Corrections to the Above Wrongs:
1. It is the responsibility of her parents and other support people (teachers, involved relatives and family friends, service coordinators, social workers) to teach her how to behave in her community. They should figure out the areas where she needs improvement, in this case boundaries, and break it down and work on it with her in ways that take in to account her needs, abilities, and learning style.
2. If the girl's behavior were to improve, the letter writer (and family) might be more tolerant of her when she is around.
3. It is dangerous and unfair to expect these people to watch their neighbor's child whenever she feels like coming across the street. And there is always the possibility that they might be out of the house or not know she's even there TO watch. (They could be out and a car still be in the driveway/a light still on, or the only person/people home could be sleeping, showering or ill)
4. Don't harp on her difference or call her "less fortunate" just as you wouldn't if there were a neighbor child who was orphaned, or followed a different religion, or had a blended family, or was poor or had a speech impediment. Of course, I'm here assuming that the adults involved have the good sense not to make a big to do about those things when such a child stopped by.
5. These grandchildren do know that the neighbor girl is different, so they do need to have mental disabilities explained to them in a compassionate and age appropriate manner. They also need to be instructed on treating people with respect.
What Else to Do:
In addition to teaching the grandchildren about respect, they also need to flat out tell them to stop yelling "Go home" at the girl. Not only is it rude, but it's not even working to get her to go away. All it is doing is loudly informing any other neighbors that these grandkids may have a bratty streak.
The letter writer says that the girl's mother is "oblivious" and "no help", but it is not clear if anyone has specifically spoken to her about this issue or what they've said. One of the adults from this family needs to politely but firmly explain to this woman that her daughter has been doing X, Y and Z, and it is a problem. Ideally they would be able to break the ice with something positive, like how friendly the girl is, and end with saying that they'd be happy to schedule a time for her to play with the grandkids (assuming the grandkids can learn to treat her better). If the grandkids are all teens, then they are too old for adults to be setting up play dates for them, and the adult cannot offer that.
There is no requirement that this family offer to give this mother a break from time to time, but if they were up to it, it could certainly be a kind and neighborly thing to do. If they're not up to it, they absolutely must not make an offer that they have no intention of ever following through on.
If this mother refuses to see a problem, then they need to talk to someone else, like the girl's father, another adult family member, or her teacher or social worker (if she has one). The girl cannot continue wandering the neighborhood and joining whoever happens to be around like this.
Potential dangers, some of which were brought up on the on line discussion board, include: she could fall victim to a pedophile or kidnapper, she could get injured and no one would know about it or be able to help, she could be reported to the police as a trespasser or even a prowler or peeping tom, some neighbor could decide the wandering was a sign of neglect and call Children's Services, she could fall under negative influences such as other teens/preteens who are in to shoplifting or drinking alcohol without her parents being aware of these new "friends", she could be exploited financially either due to not understanding the value of money or out of a desire to please people and make friends, she could be exposed to something she is allergic to and have no one around who knows what to do about her anaphylactic reaction, the list goes on. If no one is keeping track of her she could go missing and it wouldn't be noticed, or she could be safe and sound visiting with someone and her mother couldn't find her and would think she was missing.
A basic tenant of parenting is to supervise children when they go beyond the point where you can trust them, (whether it's trusting them to use the microwave but not the stove, or walk to the friend's house next door but not the one 1/4 mile away and across three streets) and this girl's parents aren't doing that. They may be intentionally under-watching, or they may simply be over-trusting, but either way she needs more instruction and supervision to help her adapt to and be integrated in her community.
***Dear Ann Landers: My husband and I have a home on the lake where we go on weekends and vacations with our two children, their spouses and our four young grandchildren.
The problem is a 12-year-old girl who lives across the street. This child is mentally disabled and comes over all the time. She knocks on our door and looks in our windows. Every time we turn around, she is right under us. If we tell her to go home, she is back in five minutes with the same routine. She doesn't understand why she can't be at our house all the time. Our grandchildren don't understand what is wrong with her. They shout, "Go home," but she ignores them.
I feel bad for the child, but I honestly don't know how to deal with the problem. Her mother is totally oblivious and no help at all. Will you please tell us what to do about this nuisance? I am — Distressed in Dyer, Tenn.
Dear Distressed in Dyer: Please do not lose this opportunity to teach your grandchildren the importance of being kind and compassionate to people who are less fortunate than they are. That little girl should not be considered a "nuisance" when she peers in the windows and comes over uninvited. She simply is displaying natural curiosity and has no idea she is "bothering" anyone.
You say your grandchildren don't understand what is wrong with her. It is up to you to explain to them this unfortunate child's mental limitations. I hope you will do so at once.***
Now, this was originally published in (I think) 1999, but even then she does appear to have caught some flack from her readers for this ridiculous advice. Her suggestion of self-congratulatory acceptance of this girl's misbehavior, coupled with exploiting her as an object lesson to the letter writer's grandchildren about how lucky they are, does not solve the letter writer's issue of her invading their trips to the lake house, or even help the 12 year old girl.
I thought about putting my response in letter form, but I'm a list-maker, so here it goes.
Why Ann's Answer is Wrong:
1. Ann seems to assume that this girl could not be taught to behave any better, and in general, that just isn't true. While I do not know this girl, her diagnosis(es), or her learning style, for many people with mental challenges, it's not that they are incapable of learning, they just may need more repetition than others, or tasks broken down in to smaller steps.
2. She suggests that the girl "should not be considered a "nuisance"" for doing these things, but a change in attitude will not make her less underfoot, make it less rude of her to peek in their windows, make it less awkward or inconvenient when they need her to go home and she doesn't go or goes and comes right back. This is not an issue of perception, it is an issue of actual problem behavior.
3. Ann does not take in to account that this is an entire extra child to keep an eye on, and one with special needs at that. There are already four grandchildren in the group. An additional child who, according to the letter does not follow their instructions, is a lot of extra work to keep safe. This family does not appear to have been told anything about this neighbor girl's pool of knowledge or the nature of her limitations, information that they would need if they were expected to be responsible for her. Does she recognize poison ivy? Does she react appropriately to wild animals? Is she deathly allergic to bees? They don't know.
4. Her answer also goes against the current movement in the disability community (people with disabilities and their supporters). They do not want people with disabilities to be treated as "less fortunate"; they want them to be treated as equals. Folks with disabilities may face different challenges, but they are still people just like everyone else.
5. She suggests that the letter writer "explain to [the grandkids] this unfortunate child's mental limitations". Even if the letter writer were privy to the girl's diagnosis(es), that information is not the grandchildren's business. Also, given the lack of kindness they currently show her, I would want to be more sure of their moral character before explaining to them how to take advantage of this girl.
My Corrections to the Above Wrongs:
1. It is the responsibility of her parents and other support people (teachers, involved relatives and family friends, service coordinators, social workers) to teach her how to behave in her community. They should figure out the areas where she needs improvement, in this case boundaries, and break it down and work on it with her in ways that take in to account her needs, abilities, and learning style.
2. If the girl's behavior were to improve, the letter writer (and family) might be more tolerant of her when she is around.
3. It is dangerous and unfair to expect these people to watch their neighbor's child whenever she feels like coming across the street. And there is always the possibility that they might be out of the house or not know she's even there TO watch. (They could be out and a car still be in the driveway/a light still on, or the only person/people home could be sleeping, showering or ill)
4. Don't harp on her difference or call her "less fortunate" just as you wouldn't if there were a neighbor child who was orphaned, or followed a different religion, or had a blended family, or was poor or had a speech impediment. Of course, I'm here assuming that the adults involved have the good sense not to make a big to do about those things when such a child stopped by.
5. These grandchildren do know that the neighbor girl is different, so they do need to have mental disabilities explained to them in a compassionate and age appropriate manner. They also need to be instructed on treating people with respect.
What Else to Do:
In addition to teaching the grandchildren about respect, they also need to flat out tell them to stop yelling "Go home" at the girl. Not only is it rude, but it's not even working to get her to go away. All it is doing is loudly informing any other neighbors that these grandkids may have a bratty streak.
The letter writer says that the girl's mother is "oblivious" and "no help", but it is not clear if anyone has specifically spoken to her about this issue or what they've said. One of the adults from this family needs to politely but firmly explain to this woman that her daughter has been doing X, Y and Z, and it is a problem. Ideally they would be able to break the ice with something positive, like how friendly the girl is, and end with saying that they'd be happy to schedule a time for her to play with the grandkids (assuming the grandkids can learn to treat her better). If the grandkids are all teens, then they are too old for adults to be setting up play dates for them, and the adult cannot offer that.
There is no requirement that this family offer to give this mother a break from time to time, but if they were up to it, it could certainly be a kind and neighborly thing to do. If they're not up to it, they absolutely must not make an offer that they have no intention of ever following through on.
If this mother refuses to see a problem, then they need to talk to someone else, like the girl's father, another adult family member, or her teacher or social worker (if she has one). The girl cannot continue wandering the neighborhood and joining whoever happens to be around like this.
Potential dangers, some of which were brought up on the on line discussion board, include: she could fall victim to a pedophile or kidnapper, she could get injured and no one would know about it or be able to help, she could be reported to the police as a trespasser or even a prowler or peeping tom, some neighbor could decide the wandering was a sign of neglect and call Children's Services, she could fall under negative influences such as other teens/preteens who are in to shoplifting or drinking alcohol without her parents being aware of these new "friends", she could be exploited financially either due to not understanding the value of money or out of a desire to please people and make friends, she could be exposed to something she is allergic to and have no one around who knows what to do about her anaphylactic reaction, the list goes on. If no one is keeping track of her she could go missing and it wouldn't be noticed, or she could be safe and sound visiting with someone and her mother couldn't find her and would think she was missing.
A basic tenant of parenting is to supervise children when they go beyond the point where you can trust them, (whether it's trusting them to use the microwave but not the stove, or walk to the friend's house next door but not the one 1/4 mile away and across three streets) and this girl's parents aren't doing that. They may be intentionally under-watching, or they may simply be over-trusting, but either way she needs more instruction and supervision to help her adapt to and be integrated in her community.
Monday, July 23, 2012
I Hung Some Hooks
Some weekends you feel like getting stuff done, and some weekends, you get that feeling and actually do things! Last weekend I scrubbed down the top of my stove (no photos; it still has stains that don't come off right above the pilot lights and a chunk broken out of one edge. But at least all the crumbs and cooking spatters are gone), and this weekend in addition to dish doing, dining room tidying, baby gift knitting (shh!), bathroom cleaning, bearded dragon handling and baby minding, I hung a hook wrack in my kitchen so I can hang my work bag out of Baby Girl's reach.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
This Past Week
Just a few garden photos from last week. Two winter squash are growing, the pair of smaller unidentified vines (melon or cucumber, by process of elimination) are blooming a bunch, and I came home from work one day to spot a wild bunny hopping around.
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